Redneck Weekend

During the morning everything went well, too well. I knew trouble was brewing for the afternoon because things never go that well and I was right. At high noon the nut to normal ratio spiked and we were off and running. We were inundated by Irregulars including Special Ed who was needier than anyone has ever seem him before. Once he got rolling he hunkered down like an Alabama tick which precipitated hours of slurred commands shot from across the room and multiple changes of heart on services like Internet reservations (for the week), and Inter Library Loans (ILLs) that he previously requested but wanted canceled (“Hulk”) in favor of other, presumably better flicks like “Poison Ivy” (2 & 3), and “Cruel Intentions 3.” Ed was truly in rare form, at one point he was even hitting on one of our Pages.

Anyway, in the midst of all of the chaos caused by Ed we saw a few new faces, one belonged to an older woman who was wandering the building with rollers in her hair, and the other was a heavy set guy with a beard and glasses who was sporting a flannel shirt with a can of Budweiser in his left breast pocket, and what looked to be a can of either some kind of malt liquor, or an energy drink in the right breast pocket. Let’s call him “Bud” just in case he decides to frequent our fine establishment and continues to pump up the Library’s classiness ratio in the days ahead.

The guy walked straight up to me at the Reference Desk and told me that he was there to pick up a book we were holding for him. As usual because we file reserves alphabetically by last name, I asked him what his name is and he responded, “Gitterdon!” I looked up and down to no avail and found nothing for Gitterdon. At this point it dawned on my that the man with the can of Bud in his front pocket may have just finished the other four or five before he entered the building so I automatically scanned the shelves for a book with an author or title that resembled Gitterdon. Still no luck so I referred the man to the Circulation Desk thinking that they might be holding something for him over there.

After a while I see the man walking back in my direction. As he stands before me I ask him his name, he says “Bryant” and then tells me that Circulation doesn’t have what he’s after, “Gitterdon!” OK, now I’m getting somewhere, I have a name so it should be easy to find, alas we have only one book for anyone with a name beginning with a B and it ain’t Bryant… Drat! As I’m about to tell the guy that he’s plumb outta’ luck it must have dawned on him that he has both a first and a last name, so he says “Maybe it’s under Wilson.”

[blink] [blink]

Doh! What are the odds? This drunken redneck has two damn names that both sound like last names… Sure enough, when I looked under Wilson there was a book for a “Bryant Wilson,” and on the book jacket, under all the crap we put on the ILLs I see the face of a man wearing a baseball cap who looks a lot like a younger, slimmer, version of the man in front of me. Reading the spine, I see that the title of the book is, GIT-R-DONE. So I checked out the book for the man who then walked away triumphantly.

I immediately walked back into the Reference Office and see our Page toiling away. She stopped her work, looked up and asked me if the guy I was just helping had cans of beer in his shirt pockets? I said, “Yes, yes he did. You can’t make this stuff up.” She smiled at me and said, “They don’t pay me enough for this” and then went right back to work.

You and me both Page, you and me both… Just another day in Libraryland.

~ by Woeful on March 29, 2009.

5 Responses to “Redneck Weekend”

  1. Aw, poor Mr. Redneck needs to be introduced to the genius of Steve Hofstetter – – maybe then he’ll remember his own name!

  2. Sometimes I expect too much from people, like when I ask someone for their name I expect them to give me their last name, and not be too drunk to remember it… Silly me.

  3. Oh heck, Woes, I have SOBER people giving me the author’s name, their first name, the name of the book (God forbid if it’s some popular title like Twilight at that!), etc. And some refuse to hand me their card until I’ve found their hold. I’ve explained to them before that it helps to have the card first because then I know how many I’m looking for, how their name is spelled, if it’s even in, etc. But they act like I’m suppose to be Professor Xavier and read their minds! Course I normally crack the joke “I’m many things, but the Amazing Kreskin I’m not.” Even the ones old enough to remember who hosted the Tonight Show before Johny Carson don’t get that one – except for the lady who angrily snapped at me “Well why NOT?!”

    The drunk ones usually hand me their card while stinking up the place. You’d think someone who’s rich enough to afford Saks 5th Ave clothing and shoes from Nemen Marcus could afford to take a bath. (We’re near a private golf course so we get some really hoity-toity types.)

    That’s actually why I absolutely love your blog and the site because it shows I’m not the only one out there dealing with idiots.

    I so need to get on some reality show where I can sing my heart out, get a recording contract, and deal with a whole other class of idiots. At least then I’d be doing something I’m passionate about so it would be easier to handle. In the meantime I hope this experience has made me a better customer when I’m on the other side of the desk.

  4. oooo…Even I (who is so old & out-of-date), knows Git-R-Done. Goes w/ Larry the Cable Guy & Jeff Foxworthy!

  5. Rednecks broadening their minds by reading about other rednecks.


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