Monkeys, Madness & Mayhem

Today was the first relatively slow day since school ended. This is a good thing because when it’s balls to the wall busy I don’t have time to assess the clientele which makes for a boring blog. Anyway, this afforded me the opportunity to notice a few strange characters @ the Library. First, the little boy with the stuffed monkey on his back. The monkey was part of a harness, and the tail was a leash that the mother was holding… Charming! I’m sure it will be excellent training for when the little tyke grows up and discovers the poppy. Then there was the man wearing the pajamas who wandered around while loudly talking to himself and gesturing dramatically with his hands.

My day was complete when the elevator went awry and trapped two 11 year old girls. The hysterical screaming and the intermittent sound of the elevator alarm grabbed my attention like a fart in car. When I hit the button on the elevator the door opened and revealed the two terrified children who then thanked me profusely for freeing them from their captivity. I went back to the Reference Desk, made a few “Out of Order” signs, and called the problem in.

All in a days work…

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~ by Woeful on July 14, 2008.

19 Responses to “Monkeys, Madness & Mayhem”

  1. Sounds like you need a new name. Since Super Librarian’s been taken – how about Elevator Rescue Man! Or is that too much like Monty Python’s Bicycle Repairman?

  2. I HATE the library in the summertime. It can be over-taxing, to say the very least.

    I feel your pain, Woeful. Totally feel it.

  3. pajamas in the library. that would make a good name for a band

  4. I’ve always wanted to get stuck in an elevator. You can assume why. Ha. But it sure seems like you had an eventful day. 🙂

  5. I reckon there was some Wizard of Oz thing going on with the monkey leash. Mummy always wanted a pair of magic red slippers, and training her own army of flying monkeys, one child at a time, is the only way she can do it. Just watch her if she takes the kid up to the roof in the lift, and comes back down again without junior.

    Once the lift’s fixed, of course.

  6. Leashes for children are very popular up here. I see those monkey backpacks everywhere. It’s disturbing. I’m still waiting for a parent to jerk the leash on a rowdy kid and send it flying backwards. *crosses fingers* I also really want a t-shirt that says “Free the Leash Kids!”

  7. I prefer the kids leash without the stuff animals attached don’t try and sugarcoat it, you have your kid on a leash. We once had a customer come into the bookstore wearing big fluffy slippers 3 days in a row. Thankfully she didn’t become a regular.

  8. I tried the leash thing once and couldn’t take the looks of hatred and disgust. We ended up doing just fine without the leash.

    I feel sorry for the girls. I’d be screaming too.

  9. Hi Jami: SuperWoe?

    We do get tested during the summer don’t we K!

    PJ Lit Nursemyra? Cozy. 😉

    I almost never take the elevator Ashley unless I’m moving items en mass… And I’m usually in there alone when I do.

    Hi Gullybogan: The lift has been repaired… For the moment.

    Hello Rachel! “Free the leash kids.” LOL! Doret has the right idea, Jacob Marley Chains or nothing, ankle weights, the whole bit. This makes them better prepared to mow and shovel later in life anyway.

    Michelle, I figure that if our parents and grandparents who had like a hundred kids could do it, then parents today with one or two should be able to swing it without the tethers.

  10. Heh. Actually Super Woe sounds cool. Just try not to become an Emo superhero. You can have a black and white costume with a big W on the front. Plus a jaws of life for people trapped in elevators.

    I don’t see why people don’t like the kid leashes. When my niece was young she ran wild. We’d try to take her to Disneyland and spend most of the day trying to catch her before she got out of sight. For some kids it’s just the only way to control them. Besides, in this world of pedophiles and other sickos anything that protects children is a good thing. Even if it means making every child, female and male, wear chastity belts!

  11. My father (Red Foreman) would have broken my ass if I ran away. Once would have been more than enough for me to learn that lesson. We have insulated children to the point of abuse today. For instance, scientists now think that nut allergies are a byproduct of germ phobic parents who use ani-bacterial everything everywhere. Our bodies need something to fight, and they seem to be focusing on nuts for this purpose. Good job!

    Chastity belts… WTF? I think every kid (boy and girl) on graduation day should get their diploma and a copy of this book. The final and most useful lesson to learn before setting out on their own… A crash course in social dynamics that will prove to be priceless.

  12. I’m actually thinking about young kids, Woeful. The kind that need leashes and that pedophiles target. Make it harder for the monsters to get at them. That’s why I’m pro-leash. (I’m also pro-spanking as a LAST resort.) We’ve had our problems in the past with pedophiles trying to solicite children and people using the internet to view child porn. Course if I had kids I’d start teaching them about sex at three so they can be armed with knowledge should someone try something and they’d all take self defense classes starting at five so they can fight back!

    Also, having had a best friend who had cystic fibrosis (she passed away in 2005) hand santitizer is part of my daily life. So don’t knock it!

    I don’t know about nuts but a lot of food allergies in general are being caused due to the companies using cheaper ingrediants. For instance, pre-ground cinnimon is not 100% cinnimon anymore. (Please forgive my horrible spelling, BTW.) It’s 10% cinnimon and the rest is a filler called cumin. So my cinnimon allergy might actually be a cumin allergy. (I have a LOT of food allergies including artifical sweetners, pork, bell peppers, paprika….)

  13. I’m not sure about contaminants being a factor. If that were the case, those with lower incomes would be effected more than those who are well off, and that isn’t the case. It’s a byproduct of over protectiveness.

  14. Even the high quality products are using stuff as fillers though. Everything is about money. And if they can sell cheaper quality goods at high quality prices they’ll do it. The only way to be sure is to buy the spices whole and grind them yourself.

    Plus I buy a lot of kosher products. Partly due to the pork allergy. Partly because while I was not lucky enough to be raised Jewish (long story short, great-grandparents were afraid for their lives, so they changed their names and converted) my maternal ancestry is Jewish. Partly due to companies trying to cheap out on the good stuff. And admitedly partly because right now the only thing I trust that’s made in China is Jackie Chan.

    • Hi!, since early childhood I’ve suffered from pork allergy (= an overprotective immune system singling out the proteins in pork). My mother had the same problem and my grandmother may have had it, too, but she grew up with some Jewish tradition and mostly ate kosher, anyway.

      I haven’t touched anything that has pork in it since preadolescence (except once, when some “caring friends” conspired to see how I’d react if I ate it unknowingly — many have tried but failed, since then). However, my condition has often complicated my social and even work life — I live in Spain where pork is Holy, so…

      Now my daughter’s preschool demands a doctor’s certified admonition not to include pork in her menu, and -this being Spain- I can’t find a doctor to recognize the allergy or to sign such a document that were to pre-emptively keep pork from her diet.

      By any chance, do you know what this (very real) particular Type 1 food allergy is called??
      Its name in Latin, perhaps, so that a local “matasanos” might consult his or her Almanac and get acquainted with the affliction, however politically incorrect it might seem…

      Thnx!! 🙂

  15. I don’t think pedophiles want the kids who are on leashes they make too much noise are too hyper and will draw too much attention. What’s the name of that picture book where the kid was kidnapped but after awhile the kidnappers were willing to pay a ransome to give the kid back.

  16. I think if the government made us go back to our “grass roots” beginnings and all food and drink was more organic, a lot of the food allergies and stomach issues would dissapear. But, that’s just my tree-hugging thinking. 🙂

  17. The book is The Ransom of Red Chief by O. Henry and this blog entry has taken a very odd turn…

  18. I’d never put my kid on a leash. Just my men 🙂

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