Bring out your dead!
Tax season is in full swing @ the Library. This means that we’re deep into the annual three months of nightmarish hell that roughly begins in mid January and ends on about April 15th. Yes, tax day is April 15th but you’d be surprised at how many people come in after that date looking for extension forms… Or even last years forms. This year, however we seem to be seeing an even higher percentage of clueless dumbasses than we usually do. It’s almost like these people have never seen a 1040 Form before…
Which brings me to my theory that Bush’s economic stimulus plan, and its promise of free money has prompted people who haven’t paid their taxes in years (or maybe ever) to file this year just to get a refund. Case in point, there was one guy today who inquired as to where we keep the the forms. We directed him to the area, and upon seeing the prodigious stacks of forms and booklets commented, “Do I need all of them?” Yes, you need every last one dumbass, bring your car closer to the building! WTF? I’m certain that this guy has never paid taxes in his life.
Today, we had people asking us everything from, “Is this a 1040A Form?” (No, that’s a Schedule A Form! See, it reads “Schedule A,” not 1040A.), to “Do you have envelopes” to mail the returns back in (NO!!)? to “Does the library have blank tax forms?” … Errr, no we have forms that are already filled in. What’s your name so I can go pull your dumbass file? I’m sure yours is right at the top! About the only thing I didn’t hear today, but I know it’s coming any day now is, “Do you have any stamps?” No, we don’t have any stamps, we’re not an office supply superstore people. We don’t have any envelopes, or stamps, or sell anything whatsoever. If we did, we would have cash on hand, and would probably tempt our clientele to resort to robbery.
What a phenomenal pain in the ass… I’d say that our workload increases about 30% this time of year, and we’re not even allowed to give any tax advice. It’s all dumbass control so that these people don’t aimlessly stagger around the building drooling like zombies.
… Instead of muttering “Brains” though, they would mutter, “Forms!”