Parade of Freaks!!

Today was like the dam burst, or like the Freak Bus let off right in front of our door. After two weeks of mellowness we had an exceptionally busy day that included appearances by numerous people requesting income tax forms (they must be expecting windfall returns), The Hobo, Special Ed, who kept orbiting the Reference Desk making intermittent appearances, our neighborhood transvestite who breezed in and breezed out after browsing Children’s Videos, and Porn Man who, pack in tow, dropped anchor for the duration of the evening. I’m actually surprised that we weren’t inundated by the homeless since it’s supposed to hit a balmy 13º outside tonight.

Anyway, Porn Man stuck to his M.O. by unpacking his mammoth backpack near the Internet workstations where he meticulous laid out in linear fashion, two pink razors, a pink can on Skintimate shaving cream, a bottle of orange Gatorade, and a jar of Tums… LMAO!! He then plugged both his video camera, and cell phone into the wall behind our microfilm cabinets allowing them charge. He used up his time, presumably scouring the Internet for new material to spank off to, and saving only the “best” stuff onto his flash drive for later perusal.

True to form, after his time was up on the Internet, he asked to sign in to one of our word processing machines, presumably to leisurely view what he just downloaded. After a while, he began printing, but much to his dismay, the ink was running low so he summoned me over to fetch a new cartridge. I obliged. Just before closing, he came over to the Desk, handed me the image below, and said that it was still printing “like this:”


I can only imagine what the rest of this series of images consists of…


~ by Woeful on January 2, 2008.

11 Responses to “Parade of Freaks!!”

  1. I don’t know why it’s taken me all this time to realize it–but I should never want for material. All I need to get a novel started is to watch the folks at my local library.

    PS He lays razors and shaving cream out on the table? LOL

  2. Hi TWH! LOL… He actually laid them out on the floor. I’m sure he was thinking about going into the restroom and shaving at some point (not an uncommon occurrence), but I think the dirty look I shot him gave him second thoughts.

  3. Oh good Lord! I suppose if he’s brazen enough to use the library computers to get porn, using the bathroom to shave is “no biggee.” Skintimate?! Too damn funny!

  4. Wow, I thought we had it tough. All this time I felt sorry for only myself. Maybe you can accidentally drop a 7000 paged reference book on Porn Mans lap? It will keep him away for a few days at least.

  5. Thanks DailyTri!

    Welcome Upset Waitress, thanks for visiting! That’s an idea, I can wheel the unabridged dictionary cart over to him, then dump the dictionary on him rendering him impotent! Now you have crushed nuts to go with that Gatorade, scumbag… LMAO!!

  6. […] of mental health issues, substance abuse, and/or homelessness. Although seemingly one-sided, Library Woes does a great job of depicting the wacko scenarios many librarians deal with daily at public […]

  7. […] you’re new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for […]

  8. Has porn man ever left you guys any “gifts” to clean up?

  9. He’s never left us any DNA if that’s what you’re getting at, SG. My Library is lucky this was, we have porn viewers but nobody who actually whips it out. Sadly, this is a big problem in some places. He has left us lots of images scattered on multiple computers, even on some of our Catalogs!

  10. You might want to speak to your manager about covering those monitors with Saran Wrap, just in case….

    Easy clean up.

  11. I am interested in using “Parade of Freaks” in an upcoming book about library services that I am writing. Could you contact me directly about that?

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