Introducing Stink Paw

There is no better time than the present to introduce “Stink Paw,” or as my coworker referred to him today, “Mr. Clean.” Stink Paw is a middle-aged, heavy-set man with short dark hair and a beard. He has a propensity to sneeze and cough without covering his face so that others may participate equally in his respiratory distress.

The most excellent aspect of Stink Paw, however, is not his acrid body odor, or his salami breath, it’s that he hasn’t washed his hands at any point during the last 10 years. His mitts sport layers of grime unlike anything any of us have ever seen. It’s a deep down encrustation of an extraordinary magnitude. Equally as disgusting is his billfold, and the contents therein. Therefore, we have taken to looking Stink Paw up in the database by his name, “Mr. Clean” rather than by scanning his barcode so that we aren’t subjected to touching anything he offers us.

This is a prudent move on our part because his library card is entombed in the same festering grime that smothers his hands, and the Library staff needs to remain healthy in order to continue providing exemplary customer service to others.

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~ by Woeful on July 25, 2007.

19 Responses to “Introducing Stink Paw”

  1. Funny you should introduce Stink Paw. I’ve been a New York Public Library veteran – I could safely call myself after 10 years of being a patron – and at all the branches I’ve frequented based on where I’d lived at the time, there was always one Stink Paw character in each of them.

  2. At least one! This particular Stink Paw just happens to enjoy interacting with the staff…

  3. This was my first read this morning and now my stomach is upset. Ugh!

  4. Hah! When I worked at Starbucks, we had a customer like that, but we called him Stegasaurus. I don’t know why. One of the girls thought he looked like one, I guess.

  5. I truly miss working with the public. Well, at least I have fond memories of working at a large downtown public library. Reading this reminded me of the time someone returned a sack of books on communicable diseases which were all covered in goo of some sort. Ick.

  6. LOL… stegosaurus! Sir, step away form the latte, don’t make me get Jurassic on your ass.

    … lemurtx, all I can write is, Ewwww.

  7. Oh man, we’ve got patrons like that. We always have a bottle of antibacterial goo on the desk for such emergencies… *shudder*

  8. Nasty. We go around all the time wiping down the keyboards with Lysol.

  9. Vomitosis! You’ve got to get a warning system around here. Caution Four Stink paws!

    A note on the gooey book return. I am waiting to die of a rare bug that crawled out of a book on Flora and fauna. That is the last book I ever checked out of the public library and I think it will be the death of me. : )

  10. Um. He checks out books? That means unsuspecting library patrons might touch the same books he has checked out and returned?

  11. haha! I just had this conversation at the gym except it’s Mr. Stink BREATH. We were talking about the new guy arnd how his breath smells like a pile of garbage on a hot day! You can literally see smidgens of tartar between his teeth…I call it dental smegma.

    Love the name Stink Paw….

  12. Hello Max! He does indeed check out books, he also uses the Internet frequently getting his vile hands all over our keyboards… I don’t think that the books are such a problem because there’s usually a lag between the time someone checks something in and when the next person wants to borrow it. The Internet however, is booked solid. I sure wouldn’t want to be the one using it right after his nasty paws were all over it 😦

    Hi Stiletto! Yeah, I love it when someone with halitosis violates my personal space and spews garbage breath all over me – Not. Nasty! These people need better friends who aren’t afraid to suggest Altoids to remedy the situation… Sometimes it’s enough to actually turn the stomach 😦

  13. Oh come on. You haven’t lived until you’ve cleaned up kid vomit in your classroom full of adolescent funk. Funny post. Your description cracked me up.

  14. Hiya Bloggrrl! I’m glad you liked the post. LOL, kid vomit – Clean-up in aisle 12. Thankfully, I don’t have to deal with that, but I cringe every time I hear maintenance summoned to the Children’s Department. Gaaa!

  15. No – I’m sorry but kid vomit is nothing compared to cleaning up colostomy bag spillage on the floor!

  16. How about unclogging the drains on autopsy tables. I haven’t, but my father has. Pure unadulterated gross.

  17. Nasty!

  18. Damn you Jeremy you topped me. Congrats!

  19. I look forward to the continuing exploits of Stink Paw.

    I’m wondering… Is there a particular area that Stink Paw tends to frequent in the library? Or does he tend to treat Self Help and the Classics the same?

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