The telephone is ringing. It’s my misfortune to answer it:
Me: Hello, Torture-Me Public Library
Female patron: Hello?
Patron: I need to renew a book.
Me: What’s your library card barcode number?
Me (louder): What’s your library card barcode number?
Patron: What? I’m sorry. I have a hearing aid.
Me (louder yet): WHAT – IS – YOUR – LIBRARY – CARD – BARCODE – NUMBER?
Patron (blaring-screeching feedback, very nearly melts the left side of my brain and face through the receiver): What? I’m sorry.
Me (I lament): What’s your name?
Patron: My name is…
I complete the transaction, thinking that although I might now have permanent hearing damage at least I have something to blog about.