Iron Man

Stop Reading This Blog and Go See Iron Man Right Now!

I’ve got nothing Library related for you (the weather has been too nice around here so all the freaks are outside), so I’ve chosen to write about this excellent film instead. I already watched it twice over its opening weekend. Marvel nicely updated one of my favorite superheroes, while remaining amazingly true to his origin. Everything from the casting, to the acting, to the writing, to the special effects are simply amazing. You will not be disappointed, it’s at least as good as Spider Man, and Batman Begins.

Instead of letting the FX carry the flick, the writing is what carries the film… Don’t get me wrong, the special effects are impressive but they enhance the story, they don’t upstage it. I haven’t felt this good about a film in quite a while. It has a little bit of everything, humor, action, and even a hint of romance.

My favorite superheroes have always been The Fantastic Four (I love the Four), The Amazing Spider Man, and The Invincible Iron Man. I could relate to Peter Parker when I was younger, but I always thought that Iron Man is the coolest looking superhero. I would inevitably sketch him as I drifed off during some boring class when I was in school. Plus, his character has the coolest attitude in the Marvel Universe… A byproduct of all that money and alcohol, and ego no doubt.

So go see Iron Man. Stay through the credits, read through the names of all the people who made the movie possible, and get one last taste of Tony Stark. I can’t wait to go see it again this weekend!

Is This Porn?

I need to preface this story by telling you about “Mr. Magoo.” Mr. Magoo is heavily involved in the Friends of the Library. He is a fixture @ the Library and has been ever since he retired nearly three decades ago. When he was my age he was fighting the Japanese in the South Pacific… Last Summer, on the hottest most humid day of the year, as everyone was melting and he said, “This isn’t hot. New Guinea is hot!” Though he’s well into his 90s, he always takes the stairs, never strains to hear a thing, and is always on the go. He attributes his good health to a steady diet of bacon and eggs for breakfast, copious amounts of scotch in the evenings, and for having never been married.

Anyway, as I’m sitting at my desk he comes up to me with a VHS tape in his hand that somebody donated… And asks me if it’s porn. I look up to see a copy of “Barb Wire” and laugh. I assure him that it’s an R-Rated flick based on a comic book, and he responds, “Good! I want to sell it for the Friends, but I wasn’t sure if it was porn so I just needed to make sure.” Then he turned and walked away…

Who knows, maybe before putting it up for sale he watched it on the 40″ flat screen HDTV he recently bought? I wouldn’t be at all surprised.

Threatened

Today was the first time that I was ever threatened by a patron. We received two back-to-back complaints about two different patrons, one who’s headphones were too loud, the other was asleep on a couch in the back of the building. Since headphone guy was on the way to “Sleepy,” I volunteered to notify the both of them in order to make the the most of my trip.

I told headphone guy that we had a few complaints about the noise level emanating from him, and he immediately apologized and turned down the volume on his laptop… Which, by the look of all the piles of blank CDs around him, like he brought in to fulfill all of his music pirating fantasies.

Fine.

So, I headed on back to find one of our homeless Irregulars passed out with his legs hanging over the arm of a sofa, and his beer gut fully exposed for all to see, heaving up and down as he breathed in and out… I then attempt to wake him by saying, “Excuse me!” a few times as I’m standing directly over his heaving belly. This had absolutely no effect, so as usual I kicked the leg of the sofa to get his attention (some coworkers prefer to use the “key technique” where they drop their keys on a nearby table). This got his attention. He sat up and apologized. As I’m leaving, I point out the bag of half eaten chips he has in front of him, and tell him that he’s not supposed to have those either, but that it’s no big deal as long as he doesn’t make it a habit.

I got back to the Reference Desk and told my colleague about Sleepy’s gut heaving up and down. Then I told her that he’s one of our more decent homeless guys who never causes any trouble… About a half hour later, he passed by the Desk and under his breath said, “Next time you kick my chair I’m going to kick you.” I shot him a dirty look, and my coworker asked what that was about. I told her (loud enough for him to hear) that that was Sleepy.

No Love.

The Smallest Production Car

Haaa! There were a few really funny blog posts this morning. But the funniest thing I’ve seen in a while is the Peel P50:

Summer In April

Due to the astoundingly awesome unseasonable weather around here lately, there hasn’t been a lot to report about @ the Library. In fact, due to the fabulous weather there haven’t been all that many people using the Library. Of course, there is a random visit from Space Ace, or Special Ed, but nothing all that out of the ordinary… Or maybe I’m just desensitized to most of it at this point. I dunno anymore?

So I’m going to write about a conversation I overheard during my lunch hour between two UPS workers. They apparently discovered a four kilo brick of herb while sorting packages. The only reason they discovered the dope was that that package was sent to an undeliverable address. It was off by just a few numbers from what I gathered so they opened it and found a 9 pound ball of shrink wrapped weed. Obviously they called in the DEA, and now their waiting to see if anyone is dumb enough to stop by and sign for their missing pot… At which point the signer will promptly be arrested for being a dumbass.

Anyway, that’s all I have for you at the moment. Don’t worry though, sooner rather than later there’s sure to be some kind of totally bat-shit crazy happening that I’ll be filling you guys in on. Until then, relax, enjoy the glorious weather, and whatever you do, DO NOT sign for any overdue pot shipments, now or ever! Accept this as an axiom if you want to minimize the chances that you will be the one out of 100 U.S. citizens in prison.

Milestone

@ the Library just surpassed 100,000 hits! I am totally amazed that this happened at all, let alone in such a brief time. It’s hard to believe that my inaugural post was just over a year ago. I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of my loyal readers for putting up with this tripe.

Keep reading!

Borrow a Homo?

I just saw this bizarre story over at LISNews:

Apparently, it’s all the rage in Europe to “borrow” a specific “kind” of person for 30 minutes from the library… I particularly like the ad pictured above pitching “your prejudice” to patrons. Can you imagine the American equivalent? I can see this going horribly wrong in these here parts… Good in theory, BAD in practice.

If only enlightenment was that easy…

Things I Can Do Without

As I was passing through the gym’s locker room today, I saw a middle-aged guy in front of a mirror, stark naked blow drying his (not so) private parts. I’m not talking Mr. Olympia here, I’m talking about somebody’s dear old dad.

… That hurt me bad.

Tricia Helfer

OK… So by looking at my blog stats it seems that a lot of people can’t get enough of Tricia Helfer. She’s the actor who plays Number Six on Battlestar Galactica. To feed this insatiable hunger I’m posting the picture below. It makes a great wallpaper if you have a widescreen monitor:

… By Your Command.

You Decide

I found this while doing a sweep around the main floor of the Library today:

It belongs to Space Ace…

Any thoughts on what it might be used for? The key to his spaceship perhaps?

High School

I had to go to one of the local high schools today for one of our community outreach programs.

It was like I never left high school… Less than five seconds after I walked through the door their security guard was hassling me. It was a bright sunshiny day today but inside it was dark and noisy so it was initially hard to see or hear anything. I took about three steps towards the “office” door to sign in when I heard someone yelling. Apparently, I mistakenly thought that I had to sign-in at the main office, when I was supposed sign-in at the “security office.” Who knew? He was like, “Where are you going?” I told him I was going to the office the sign-in. He responded, “NO! You need to sign in here!!”

Then there was more than a little confusion over why I was there, and where I was from. The conversation went something like this:

Guard: “Why are you here?”

Me: “I’m here for a program in the Library.”

Guard: “OK, and who are you with?”

Me: “The Library.”

Guard: “No where are you from?”

Me: “The Library.”

Guard: “You’re here for the library?”

Me: “Yes, I’m here for the library, and from the Library, the public library!”

Guard: “Ooohhh…. OK, I’ll call to find out what’s going on.”

Me [thinking I just told you what's going on]: “Thanks.”

… Boy am I glad that I don’t have to deal with him on a daily basis… Or the rest of his ilk. I am so glad that high school is nothing more than a distant memory for me at this point. No lie, 5 seconds and I’m being hassled by an “authority figure.” It really was like I never left the place.

Marketing

Here’s an interesting way to market a book.

[shakes head]

Look what I just found in the news… Thanks Reddit!

Dope

I don’t mean of the dumbass variety either I mean the other kind… The smoking kind or maybe even something stronger. I surmise from what I’ve been observing over the last several days that it’s being distributed out of the Library. There has been a lot of suspicious activity from a group of Irregulars that leads me to this conclusion. Surreptitious hand signals across the Library floor, followed by erratic coming and going, etc. I might have something really choice to blog about soon… Time will tell.

“I’m Buddy!”

Buddy Sunshine formally introduced himself to me today. With his gold medal proudly displayed around his neck, and sporting his backwards baseball cap he walked right up to me and asked, “You’re Woeful right? I told him that I certainly am. He then said, “I’m Buddy!” and extended his chubby little hand for a handshake.

… I gave a firm shake and replied, “Pleased to meet you.”